NEW YORK CITY - UPPER EAST SIDE - DEC. 21st 2009
At 3:30 am my girlfriend (yeah, that's right, girlfriend (the mother of my child, not my mistress (I don't have any children with my mistress))) waddled from the bathroom towards the bedroom and grinned as she flipped on the light and pointed to her recently drenched stretchy pants. "My water just broke!"
Thank God! The baby was 6 days late and this meant she could quit wearing stretchy pants. Is there anything less flattering on a pregnant woman than over-stretched stretchy pants?
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REWIND TO -
ATLANTA, GA 2007
This is me. Notice how awesome I am? I was working as a camera assistant for a reality TV show in Atlanta. One day my boss asked me if I wanted to work in New York City. Umm, I guess so. So two days later I was crashing on a friends sofa in Jersey City (I know. Jersey? Eww. Why? And yes, my douche-ometer reading instantly doubled as I crossed the state line). Any who, my first day at work on my new job, which involved creating rap groups for some guy named Puff Diddy, Pug Daddy, Pup Diggidy or something like that , I met a very cute production coordinator/my future baby momma, Maggie (she wasn't eating noodles or anything when we met).
We moved in together two months later and suddenly, I was a New Yorker living on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. So, go fuck yourself (I'm pretty sure that means 'Hiya' or 'How ya doin?' in Yankee).
Whirlwind romance, blah blah blah...
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FAST FORWARD TO - JUNE 2009
Congratulations!!!
IT'S A NEON-BLUE PEANUT!!!
